Free at last, free at last
I thank God I'm free at last
Free at last, free at last
I thank God I'm free at last
I thank God I'm free at last
Free at last, free at last
I thank God I'm free at last
Way down yonder in the graveyard walk
I thank God I'm free at last
Me and my Jesus going to meet and talk
I thank God I'm free at last
On my knees when the light pass'd by
I thank God I'm free at last
Tho't my soul would rise and fly
I thank God I'm free at last
I thank God I'm free at last
Tho't my soul would rise and fly
I thank God I'm free at last
Some of these mornings, bright and fair
I thank God I'm free at last
Goin' meet King Jesus in the air
I thank God I'm free at last
--J.W. Work
Today is a day of victory for me. It is a bittersweet victory to be sure, but a victory nonetheless. Five years ago today, I left my abusive marriage.
It was a short marriage. All told just over three years, including the contentious divorce. However, in those few years, I lived a lifetime of pain and hurt. There was adultery, addiction, illness but the worst of it all was the abuse. Often I marvel that I was able to make it out alive. Had I stayed, there is no doubt in my mind that I would not have.
That last night, will forever be with me. I still wake up at nights having dreamt it again, so relieved for it to have been a dream. I know that only the powers of heaven kept me alive that night. And somehow those same powers gave me the strength and the conviction to say "enough". And that was it. I had decided that I was worth more than he had decided I was.
The ensuing years have not been easy. My thought processes have been altered. I have taken to obsessively checking locks, looking often in my rear view mirrors and fearing conflict. I have had to slowly rebuild my confidence, my self esteem, my trust in men and humanity.
I have found myself a part of a sisterhood, that none of us wants to be a part of. We are able to spot each other by the way we walk, or the lines on our faces or short conversations. I am lucky to walk with beautiful women who have fought harder than most to survive and the will to do so. We are all at different stages of rising from the ashes and our scars healing, but heal we must.
I have been so blessed in this journey. When I fall I find angels wings carrying me through. I have found a man that understands my pain and fear and is able to put his default gruff nature away. He is somehow the most kind, gentle and silly man I know with me and my children. Though we were sure that my ability to have children was taken away by the abuse I have been able to bear two beautiful, healthy children.
Above all of this, though, I have discovered a merciful God that is full of grace. I don't know that I could have understood this, had I not gone through what I did. If I, in my humanness, was able to forgive, then how much more could God forgive me.
I know that my journey is ongoing. I know that I will forever be a former battered woman. I still don't know if I had the choice if I would do it again. But tonight the words echo in my head. Free at last, free at last. Thank God I'm free at last.
I thank God I'm free at last
Goin' meet King Jesus in the air
I thank God I'm free at last
--J.W. Work
Today is a day of victory for me. It is a bittersweet victory to be sure, but a victory nonetheless. Five years ago today, I left my abusive marriage.
It was a short marriage. All told just over three years, including the contentious divorce. However, in those few years, I lived a lifetime of pain and hurt. There was adultery, addiction, illness but the worst of it all was the abuse. Often I marvel that I was able to make it out alive. Had I stayed, there is no doubt in my mind that I would not have.
That last night, will forever be with me. I still wake up at nights having dreamt it again, so relieved for it to have been a dream. I know that only the powers of heaven kept me alive that night. And somehow those same powers gave me the strength and the conviction to say "enough". And that was it. I had decided that I was worth more than he had decided I was.
The ensuing years have not been easy. My thought processes have been altered. I have taken to obsessively checking locks, looking often in my rear view mirrors and fearing conflict. I have had to slowly rebuild my confidence, my self esteem, my trust in men and humanity.
I have found myself a part of a sisterhood, that none of us wants to be a part of. We are able to spot each other by the way we walk, or the lines on our faces or short conversations. I am lucky to walk with beautiful women who have fought harder than most to survive and the will to do so. We are all at different stages of rising from the ashes and our scars healing, but heal we must.
I have been so blessed in this journey. When I fall I find angels wings carrying me through. I have found a man that understands my pain and fear and is able to put his default gruff nature away. He is somehow the most kind, gentle and silly man I know with me and my children. Though we were sure that my ability to have children was taken away by the abuse I have been able to bear two beautiful, healthy children.
Above all of this, though, I have discovered a merciful God that is full of grace. I don't know that I could have understood this, had I not gone through what I did. If I, in my humanness, was able to forgive, then how much more could God forgive me.
I know that my journey is ongoing. I know that I will forever be a former battered woman. I still don't know if I had the choice if I would do it again. But tonight the words echo in my head. Free at last, free at last. Thank God I'm free at last.
