All right..I give in!!

I've always thought I was pretty good at not giving into peer-pressure. Guess not, in my old age. ;) Everyone in my family is all over me to blog, so here it is.

I had started this blog at the beginning of the year, about two months after Bug was born. Then life got a bit out of control, and I let it go. So I'm going to give a quick update and start where life is today.

We found out in April of this year that I was pregnant..again. I was already six weeks along when we found out. To say we were in shock, would have been the understatement of the year. My first pregnancy test was expired, but it was positive before I had the chance to put it down on the counter. We got another one...same thing. That was Sunday. On Thursday I went into my OB and had another positive test and an ultrasound. When I saw how big the amniotic sack was I told my OB I was going to pass out. She asked if I was kidding. I wasn't and rolled over on my side just in time, before it happened.

Because of my medications we had a couple of special 4-D scans with a specialist. The first one showed extra skin on the base of the baby's neck. This is an indication of a chromosomal defect, such as Downs syndrome or Turner's syndrome, among hundred's of other "problems". Lee and I were devastated on that ride home. That night, as we prayed for the health of our baby, the Lord showed me my baby..in a blue blanket and everything was fine. We had to wait about three weeks to have an amnio done. In the meantime, I went to Utah to help Mom after her back surgery and Lee went to New York on a business trip. Both went fine and we both did our best to hold onto the Lord's promise that everything was fine. When we both came back, we had the amnio done. They said it would take 7-10 days for the results. Because it was memorial day weekend it took closer to 15 days. Finally, after a bunch of calls we got the results. The baby was fine..and we were having a boy. Lee and I knew the baby would be fine, and were ecstatic this was a boy...since this was our last one.

Fast forward to September 22. I was having horrible pains in my right side. We figured it was appendicitis. We drove the 58 miles down to the hospital that my OB is at. It took a long time, and the ride was made longer when I threw up and we weren't able to pull over. We went straight to Labor and Delivery, rather than the Emergency Room. We knew they would have just sent us there anyhow. They admitted me that night and the next day the tests showed that I had pre-eclampsia. I was stuck in the hospital on bed rest until the baby was born. I was there for two and a half weeks. The last week Mr. William decided he wanted out. Nine shots of terbutaline and Terb pills every six hours for the last four days, he was delivered via C-section on October 8, at 5:57 P.M. He weighed 6 lbs 6.2 oz...or 2900 grams exactly. He was admitted into the NICU immediately because of breathing problems. He also was having a hard time regulating his temperature and blood sugar. We were hoping his stay would be similarly short, as Bug's was, but not so.

Will is still in the NICU. He has graduated from the heater, to the incubator to the open crib. He is gaining weight so he doesn't need the IV's anymore. Everything the NICU is watching for is great...except the eating. Right now he is alternating between bottle feedings and gavage (which is the feeding tube in his nose) In order for him to come home he needs to have every feeding be nipple and he needs to eat it in less than 30 minutes..which is a problem. He does not have the endurance at this point to even do two nipples in a row. He also uses his strength to socialize rather than to eat. Fits right into our family. :) Yesterday they did two nipples in a row and the second feeding took fifty-five minutes. So he's back to alternating. It's a bit frustrating for us. We see babies come in after him and leaving before him, but hopefully soon it will kick in an he'll be home.

Other than the feeding issues, we've been told the Will has a few "unusual features". Apparently he is disproportionate. His arms and legs are shorter than they should be. His head is larger than most newborns and the first joints on his thumbs are short. According to his neonatologist this could mean nothing or hundreds of things. One of the doctors explained to us that sometimes pieces of chromosomes will break off and re-insert themselves somewhere else. They decided to not do another chromosomal test and just to watch him as he grows. They seem to not be too worried so we just trust them. We're not at all worried about the large head. That is a family trait on Lee's mum's side. Will's physical therapists will be following up with him as he grows and we will know later on if we have something to worry about.

We are hoping to have him home soon. He has an amazing, mellow personality at this point. Already, he is smiling. Apparently, according to the nurses and physical therapists, some babies can smile early on. I didn't believe it at first, but I've seen it with my own eyes. We feel very blessed to have such amazing children. I will continue to update the blog and send e-mail updates when I have time and am not at the hospital. I will post new pictures on here when I have them. Also, we post all our pictures on our photo album which is at http://www.leeandangela.myphotoalbum.com/. Prayers would be appreciated for our family, especially little Will.

Hands...

Last night, and again tonight I'm wide awake (when the baby is asleep of course..the ONE time I can sleep) contemplating life in all it's complexities. I'm not sure why my brain turns on right as it's time to go to bed but it does.
Last night I sat and contemplated how things, big or small, never quite seem to go as I plan. I can plan down the smallest minutia and still it will go a complete different direction than I had planned. And yet...that is where the most beautiful things in my life have turned up.
A very small thing happened last night to start this train of thought going. I was going to get Bug to sleep in her crib. She fell asleep. I placed her in her crib, she slept...for about 5 minutes. And then she was awake. WIDE AWAKE. I don't often let her cry too much in the crib. Just not worth it to me when she's a foot and a half away. So I picked her up and put her in bed with me. I continued to play the game on my cell phone that is mindless entertainment, while cuddling with her and checking on her every minute or so. After a couple of minutes of this I noticed something amazing was happening. Bug had discovered her hands. I put down my phone and watched. She was very intently watching as she moved her fingers and hand. You could see the dawn of discovery happening behind her eyes. I could see how she was figuring it all out. I put my own hand up next to hers. She looked from one hand to the other. I could see her make the connection and then get incredibly wide eyed at the size of my hand. Next she stuck her tongue out as she tried out new moves. She's just like her Daddy. When there's something difficult to be accomplished Daddy sticks his tongue out too.
We played for a bit and then she fell asleep. I stared at the ceiling for awhile thinking about how different I had planned the night to be. I had planned on sleeping in my bed, waking only once and helping Bug get used to her crib. What a miracle I would have missed...what a beautiful experience. Then my thoughts began to wander. What else would I have missed had my life gone as I planned. Well for one I certainly would not have married Lee. We would never have had Bug. Instead of marrying the first time I would have gone away to D.C. and would be right in the middle of politics right now, for a country I am not sure I believe in anymore. I would have never moved home after my first marriage....the list goes on and on. But as I look back on my life..even the incredibly difficult things...I see beauty. I see a dance.
The discussion in my head has continued throughout the day. The computer has been off for the most part and Bug and I have been playing in between the cleaning. Tonight, as I was reading one of my magazines with Bug on my lap I looked down and noticed she was intently looking at the pages. I turned the page and she watched the next page just as intently. YipEE! She was ready to start reading to. I ran over to our little bookshelf on the landing and got the baby kids books. We read several of them several times. She loved them...or so I think. Lee and I then started talking, about, coincidentally enough, the same things I had been thinking. As we were talking I started touching my fingertips to my thumb for Bug to watch. She watched for a couple of minutes and then started trying to as well. I know it's probably stupid, but I got choked up and was incredibly proud. And the tension I had been carrying was gone.
For some reason I've had something under my skin today. As I've tried to disect it the only thing that I've been able to come up with is that I'm irritated. I'm irritated that I've lost almost 29 years of my life. I've lived it and remember some of it, but the problem is the living that I was doing was getting ready for the dying. So far my entire life has been about doing all necessary to get into a good place in the beyond. All I've thought about is what it will be like after this life and I haven't enjoyed this life much. How silly of me!
Since a little before Bug was born I've really been struck by the enormity of life. We are given this one single life to do with what we please. How will we remember our lives after we've moved on? I have been incredibly moved to not waste my life. I think it's easy to get bogged down in the everyday. Make sure the bottles are clean, the carpet vaccumed, the bills paid, the laundry done. Have I called this person or that? But our lives are the most precious gift we could have received, after grace and our Saviour's love. What am I truly doing with it?
I've thought for many years that I don't really believe Hell is fire and brimstone. For me, hell would be spending an eternity knowing I could have done better and didn't and that for eternity I will deal with my consequences. I wonder if we will get to the other side and though we will be in Heaven we will look back on life and say...I could have done better or more.
I'm not sure where this train of thought is going. I just know that it has kept me awake for two nights in a row. Obviously God is trying to tell me something. I'll let you know what conclusion I come to.

A Lazy Weekend

It's been a good weekend for this little family. Friday I "took the day off". I went over to my friends whose little baby is two weeks younger than bug...even though she was due a month earlier than bug. We went to lunch at the mall and then walked to JoAnn's to get some fabric. I got some black lace, some fabric with kitties on it and also three yards of fabric to make a quilt for bug. I got the black lace to put on the doors of our TV cabinet. (I heard a tip a long time ago that if you soak fabric in liquid starch it will then stick to a smooth surface. I placed the lace on there today and it worked!! Now the TV cabinet went from messy to elegant. I love it when something works!!) And the kitty fabric is to cover the xerox box of Kitty Toys.
After JoAnns we went back and fed the babies and talked. Then I came home and watched my neighbors kids. Lee and I walked down the street to dinner and then decided to walk to Ralph's, our grocery store. Bug's eyes were a bit dark and sunken and she didn't have as many wet diapers. So we picked up some Pedialyte to give her. She drank six ounces of that and then wet her diaper real good. We slept in our bed and Lee slept down the hall. Before we went to sleep bug was doing her best to roll over. Hasn't figured it all the way out yet, but she's sure working on it. I'm sure it will be any day now. Once she fell asleep she slept until 8 the next morning. (she hasn't done it since) Lee came in and got her. He generally watches her on Saturdays so I can recharge. I slept all day. I woke up for about 20 minutes around 9:30 last night and then woke up again this morning at 11:00. Lee was sick last week and I think I had a touch of it. Also I think my body said "you're done, you are not doing anything else until we sleep". Bug seemed to be OK for him, but she was quite happy when I came down this morning.
Our friend came over and we watched some Doctor Who episodes today. (for those of you that don't know Doctor Who is a British Sci-Fi/Drama television show that has run since the sixties. We're big fans in this house. However, we're big fans of just about anything on the BBCA) Then our friend went home, I've been putsing around doing small projects. I did the lace on the cabinet and got the cords ready to start transferring our videos from our video camera onto the computer then DVDs. Bug has laid on the floor trying to roll over and played with her piano. And then I fed her. After about two ounces I looked down and she was grinning at me. I then balanced her on my lap and she was able to "sit" for 30 seconds or so. After one of these sets she somehow launched herself up with her feet and almost face planted it into the arm of the couch. I caught her in time, but she thought that was really funny. Lee commented that she was so weird. I asked him if he expected a child between us to be normal. He apparently had hopes of such. ;) So now we're going to have dinner and then I'm going to take on the monumental task of bathing the child. Wish me luck!

Caution, Contents Under Pressure and May Explode! (caution--poop blog)

Bug was put on Soy Formula about two months ago, due to an allergy or intolerance to lactose. This has been working, but has caused her to be constipated. I called her doctor a couple of weeks ago and she told me to give her one bottle a day of pear or prune juice. Two days ago I forgot. Yesterday she kept trying to poop and was only getting frustrated and crying.
About midnight last night she started her dinosaur noises that let us know she's pooped. Apparently it smells pretty awful to her as well. :) I put her up on the changing table and opened her diaper. There was nothing there. Since she was crying though I decided I would try and help and take a rectal temperature. So I opened the drawer and pulled out the thermometer that is only for that. I tried to put on the plastic cover. It tore through so I was pulling out another one and happened to look up at her. She had pooped. And BOY had she pooped. It was kind of like an explosion. It reminded me of a champagne bottle being uncorked. It had shot across the table and down the side. All over the top of the table and her. I was shocked and grossed out. I yelled for Lee and luckily he heard me and came running down. He asked what was wrong and I asked him to come over. He said OH! He grabbed a roll of paper towels. I pulled her up trying my best to not touch any of her parts that were poopy. I took her upstairs and put her in the bath. Lee finished cleaning up, washed up and went outside for a second to get some fresh air. I cleaned her up and got her dressed. She was pretty mad. But I didn't care much. We came back downstairs to sleep and Lee went back upstairs to sleep. She then cried for a bottle. I can imagine that all that was taking up a lot of space in her abdomen. So I fed her and then we slept. And slept all the way until 5:45 this morning. I didn't read about this in my mummy books. But she's happy as a clam this morning. I guess all's well that ends well. Silly bug.

Turn Around

When Bug came into the world I certainly did not think that buying toys that she would like would be as difficult as buying toys both our cats would like. I keep hoping that she will grow into the toys we've got her so far.

However, when I was at the mall on Thursday looking for a different toy mom had pointed out to me I found a toy that I was sure bug would like. She has started kicking and bicycle riding with her legs. Unfortunately it seems the thing she likes to kick the most is my C-section scar...probably why it's not healing. This toy is called Miracles and Milestones Peek-A-Boo piano. It has five keys that will either play the correct piano tone, or each time she presses a key it starts a new song. Of course, being a pianist, I want my daughter to start playing as soon as possible...and I guess feet piano works too.

So, two nights ago, I researched around and found where the piano was the cheapest. K-Mart had it on sale. I was going to order it online but they were out. Apparently, it's rather popular. So yesterday Lee watched Bug and I ran to K-Mart. I know now why they are going out of business. I checked the baby section and also the toy section, quite thoroughly looking for it. There was an employee and I said "excuse me..do you work in toys?" which I thought was a pretty valid question since she was carrying a toy and in the toy section. She pretended to not hear me and walked right by me. So I went up to the Customer Care section. I asked the girl if they had it. I had called Lee ahead of time to get all the info I could from the website. She asked me if I had the UPC. I said no, and asked how I would have it. She said she had to have the UPC before she could look it up. I asked if she could look it up by the K-Mart number. She said no. That I needed to give her the UPC. I again asked how I would have it. She then called the North Hollywood store to see if they carried it. They said no. She came back and said they didn't have it either. So I asked for a raincheck. She asked if it was on sale. By this point I was ready to strangle her. I said yes. She asked for the sale paper. I walked out of the store at that point.

I stormed out of the store thinking about how aggravated I was with everything. How could someone be so rude to me!?! As I was pulling out and taking several deep breaths I saw a man across the street who was homeless and asking for money. Lee and I always try and give something to people like this. God has blessed us and changed our lives in experiences like this. Plus we know how blessed we truly are and how much we have. I pulled out into the street and decided that I would swing back around after I went to Target and see if he was still there. But after about two blocks and listening to God say "turn around NOW", I turned around. I dug around in my purse to grab the cash I had. I pulled into the parking lot he was at the edge of. While I was waiting behind the cars to get up to him, he looked at me and I motioned for him to come over. He pointed to himself to make sure that I really meant him. I nodded and he came up. I rolled down my window and gave him the money. He smiled and told me that Jesus loved me. And I told him that God loved him too. He told me that this was a temporary thing for him and that everything helped. He told me he wasn't drinking his money away. He was a recovering alcoholic and he wouldn't spend the money on alcohol, even though he could definately understand why so many homeless people were drunk all the time. I have always understood that as well. While I was talking to him two other people came and gave him money as well. God was so obviously watching out for this man. As I pulled out of CVS and drove towards Target, I reflected on how small my problems were. I had been upset because someone was unkind to me and that I couldn't find a toy for my baby. It was kind of like God was saying "shut up Angela." I felt quite selfish and asked God for His forgiveness and reflected on His love and His blessings for us.
So I then called Lee and told him I was going to Target. I found the piano, no problem and bought it. I paid more, but at this point I didn't mind. I brought it home and waited for Bug to wake up. When she did we fed her and then I showed it to her. She immediately figured it out and thinks it's the greatest thing ever!

I never know when God is going to speak to me. I never know when He's going to use me to bless His other children. I just pray that I can stay in tune enough and to be willing to hear His voice and to experience His love for His children.

You Know You're A Mummy When...

Well Bug has started getting on a schedule. It doesn't mean that she's sleeping through the night, but she is getting on a schedule.
Last night Lee watched her when I ran to the mall and Target to get some things. Lee has had a horrific week at work and so he stayed home and tried to relax. From the sound of things I don't think there was much relaxing to be done though. Around 9:45 pm he fed her a bottle and she fell asleep.
I have to have about 2 hours of sleep after I take my medication before I can wake up successfully so I waited for Bug to wake back up so I could feed her again and we could both go to sleep. That happened around 2am. By this point I'm wishing I had just taken my meds earlier. She woke up and I fed her and changed her and then she wanted to play. So we played for awhile. And then I started smelling a pretty foul odor. I changed her again (ewww). After all that I tried to put her on top of me so I could get her to sleep. And then she threw up all over me. I was wearing a tank top and so it went down my chest, down my back and into my hair. She seemed to think it was funny. So I ran upstairs, woke Lee up and had him wash my back in the places I couldn't reach. Put on clean PJ's and then came back downstairs. With two or three new burp cloths..just in case. :) Luckily she fell asleep, as did I within about 30 minutes after that.
As I fell asleep I just kind of smiled and laughed and thought...Welcome to Mummyhood.

Hello to the world!

Well we finally got our computer back. So I can start our family blog and everyone can experience the joy of our Bug. It's been a long couple of days. Bug for some reason will not sleep for more than about 15 minutes at a time. I'm not sure if it's because she's growing or because she just thinks that it's more fun to be awake and play!!
Bug has really started smiling and interacting now. She has also started cooing...which led to a very funny moment last week. Lee came home and was holding Bug and asked me what we had done during the day. I told Lee that I had been cleaning and Bug had been sleeping. Lee turned to Bug and asked her if she had been dreaming about heaven to which she replied "Yeah!!" I think I laughed for about 10 minutes. Man, I wish we'd had that on video. ;)
Also, Bug has started something that makes me laugh really hard every day. Every time she poops she starts gasping... like she can't breathe because it smells so bad. All I gotta say is if she can't stand her own poop imagine how we feel. I'm not looking forward to solids.
Grandma and Grandpa Torres fly in tonight to meet Bug. We're very much looking forward to the time we will spend with them for the next 8 days. Well, back to washing bedding!! Really...adventures in Mummyhood.